sora_kame

http://-baboyah.tumblr.com

^I'm lonely and sad, follow me please. :)

IM SO SORRY LIVEJOURNAL I HAVE ABANDONED YOU.
I have no inspiration, but when I eventually write something I'll definately post it here ^^

Ohh fuck.
I feel like I'm gonna abandon you guys for tumblr.
Mainly because I have no inspiration.

If I do I'm sorry; but I'll always comeback ^^

But in the meantime, you can follow my tumblr if you paste this onto your URL bar ^^;;
Or you might be able to click it..

http://white-fly.tumblr.com

Fuck daylight savings =_=
I really hate it, and I sleep even worse when it's happening. I don't feel tired now, but I know I will later *sigh*

so now I'm doing something productive - writing about my day [I should probably just start a blog :L ]

Hmm. It's my day back at school, and it's not so bad. I don't bother oppa and them and they don't bother me. However, oppa is communicating to me through one of my new friends - whom we shall call T - and asking how I knew about them bitching.

AS IF THEY WEREN'T FUCKING OBVIOUS. 
/facepalm
I can't believe oppa doesn't know.

Then I told T to say something to oppa for me, "it was never you," it sounds creepy. 

I realise that now.

But honestly, that sentence was meant to clear up awkwardness and shit. However, because oppa is a stupid idiot, I don't know if she knows what I'm referring to, and because w aren't communicating directly it's rather difficult, because there is no fucking way I'm telling T what it means.

Honestly, that's the only bad thing in my personal life.

BUT SCHOOL SUCKS SO MUCH shit.

First class today - P.E

It's not that I'm lazy (maybe a little, lol) or that I hate sport, but I've been doing it for EIGHT YEARS. I don't see why I still have to do it, especially when it's shit fucking games like volleyball but with a fail vortex like thing.

I didn't play that game though, because I can lie adequately about me having injuries (I'm so rebel aren't I ;) ). So I bought a book to read, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO. but noooo, I can't read, I have to cheer on my team.

All the fuck I did was move from a chair to the fucking dirty ground and stare at the wall for half an hour.

So bloody fucking productive.

Then we have an integrated project.  On the commonwealth games in India.

This is even less productive.

WHAT KIND OF JOB WILL WANT TO KNOW ABOUT A SPECIFIC YEAR OF THE COMMONWEALTH GAMES.

So know we aren't doing any work in our four main subjects (sose, English, math and science) for two weeks, and we are doing talks and surveys and writing about doping or Lycra suits or famous people in India.

WHO THE FUCK CARES
(no offence)

My school really ticks me off.

Also, do not be mistaken about me being annoyed at not doing school work for two weeks - I'm no nerd.

But doing well in my future is important, and while our school is stopping us from learning important subjects that will help us get into university or required subjects next year (I'm in year nine) I'm not learning a fucking thing.

We never learned much in English or sose though, because our teacher is an incompetent piece of garbage (I restrained my language ^^' ) but I think the only thing I learned from her is to not wear high heels at that age.

I'm glad my English was somewhat good before, otherwise I would be screwed. ^^

Math however, is a whole new thing. I guess I'm average at it (I'm kind of well rounded in all my subjects, I usually get B's, or 80% - and I don't study. I'm not trying to brag, it just makes me happy that I'm like that, but I'm going to start studying now ^^;; ) anyways. I'm average at math, but I need explaining for concepts that are completely new to me, like that thing that escapes my mind, but it has the same symbol as square roots and complex numbers under them and before them and a whole heap of simplifying shit. Fuck I still don't get it.

MY TEACHER IS SO FOB. 

He barely knows English, and his accent is extremely thick so when he talks, it's really really hard to know what he says (he teaches Viet as well. He should bloody stick to that because he actually knows how to do it). But it's not just the accent. All he does is copy the examples from the text book.

WE CAN FUCKING READ.

AHHHH FUCK.
IMMA GO CALM MYSELF DOWN BY GOING AND FINDING SOME JONGKEY LOVE <3
SORRY FOR SPAMMING :)

Oddities.

Today was odd.

I had slept well last night, and eaten well yesterday. [because I don't eat a lot usually, so I had eaten what I felt was a lot: large nandos chips, a salad sandwich, tea and a packet of honey centred butter menthols and chocolate]

anyway. 

It was odd this morning because I woke up and I was making tea (with sugar and milk and niceness) and while I was waiting for the kettle to boil, I started feeling funny.

Like my vision started blanking out, like slowly it was disappearing, and I had a horrible sick feeling in my chest.

I ended out fainting.

At first this was odd because I had never fainted that slowly, at times it was just sudden, but this time it was slow.

And then it got odder because apparently it was because I didn't eat enough. But I have gone days without food, or very little and never fainted because of that.

Ohh. I just remembered something O/_\O (I do that face because I have horrible Itachi eyes from lack of sleep, and they are so dark ==" gag it's embarrassing: Itachi from Naruto btw)

Anyways.

I remember that I didn't remember. Ages ago, well not that long ago, maybe four weeks or so ago, I was wagging first period [ooooo rebel ;) ] and I was having a hot chocolate in this café somewhat near my school (less than five minutes away).

And I was reading a novel "The Nest" (shit book; definitely not one to remember, but if you start it, you have to know the ending) because I was dead if I didn't.

Now in the space of about forty minutes or so, I only remember reading my book and drinking my hot chocolate, and randomly feeling sad for no reason.

But what apparently happened (according to oppa - yeah, read my other post to get that somewhat) was that she came with two other people that she is friends with (ahahahaha I don't like those two people, she even said she agreed with me at the start of the year. Hypocritical bitch. But I can't hate her, I really can't) 

Anyways, the point was that oppa and the other two saw me, and even talked to me - but I don't remember it at all, it's completely blank. Well not blank, but it's like that part of the day is missing.

And I have good memory (I'm nit bragging, I rarely actually compliment myself, the only things I think I'm good at is acting, lying and manipulating. And they aren't good things to be good at) but I do have somewhat good memory, if I should remember something I will, or I remember a lot from my past.

But if something happens ten minutes ago, and someone asks me to tell them what happened I will be able to say some of it, but I won't remember a lot of it. The next day however I will be able to remember it in complete detail. I wonder if anyone else is the same?? :S

*sigh* I should probably stop posting meaningless posts here. But it's so addictive ^^

[This is just a bunch of random shit that doesn't really need to be read; I think I just had to get it out there. Sorry]

I wonder if it'll ever be okay. Or that it will be the same again.

I want to be happy when I'm around those people, but I don't see how I can when they talk and bitch about me when they think I'm not listening or on facebook when they make it so damn obvious.

And I love them, because despite that they are still my friends, and without them I would have no one. But maybe it will be better for me to have no one. Because then I'll never be able to be attached, never be able to be hurt like this again. 
I didn't even know why it hurts so much.

I guess this is karma, so I can't do much. But all I want to do is sleep fir a very long time, and when I wake up, I want them to be there - worried for me, and wanting me there.
I guess that will never happen.

Although I do have the memories that we shared. 

Like just today I remembered something from two or three years ago me and (let's call her oppa - yes it's a contradiction, I know), me and oppa were in this huge learning centre shit, and she said a joke about the veronicas "First they wanted to be hooked up, and now they are untouched" and I laughed, the next thing she said was "I enjoy making you laugh."

that makes me so happy, it warms my heart just thinking about it, that someone wanted to make me laugh.

Now it hurts. Because we've grown so far apart, because of something I said last year - well I didn't say it to her, I just said it to other people, and the other people (person actually) said it to oppa - but it wasn't true, it wasn't her. [it's complicated and not meant for explaining over a public site]

But because of that, I think our friendship grew far apart. And I really miss how we used to be; me and her and everyone else.

I think I'm a bad luck charm, or just that reject that no one likes, because I've never been able to stay with a group for longer than a year.

I really thought this year would be different. I was so happy, and content with everything, but it seems like it's all gone backwards.

It's holidays for me, and none of us are talking - and I know they are doing shit with each other, and not inviting me. Like just a week ago or so, they saw the Tomorrow When The War Began movie without me, like didn't invite me, and one of them told me "no you can't see it, we have to see it together." I was happy at that moment too. But it was all bullshit. All pretence and lies.

I saw the movie that day anyways, I didn't plan it - it just happened. 

But it's the thought that counts, you know. Just knowing that they want me around would be nice.

In the words of Nichkhun "everything happens for a reason." BUT WHY ISNT THE REASON FUCKING CLEAR ㅠㅠ

I really love those guys, and I don't want to let them go, but I think that's what they want me to do. So I think that's what I should do, the happiness of four-six people is definitely better than the happiness of one.

I guess this is all my fault, and I shouldn't have let myself care in the first place.

Sorry for the shit ramblings of nothing. 

To everyone who reads my writings;

I'm sorry (again) but I'm not in a very good place right now; I would go into detail and write the inner workings of my mind, but this place is too public.

Anyways the point of this is that my chapters and fics and one-shots probably won't come out as often. They will still come out, but I have to work out a few personal things first.

Thankyou and sorry <3

To everyone who has commented or read my fanfics, and is supporting them - I know you probably won't see this, but thankyou so much.

For your support and encouragement. It makes me happy to see that my Fics are liked and wanted; if I get sad I look at the comments and they make me happy..

So thankyou again <4